In July I took off for two weeks. I was going to go to South America and then that changed, and I took myself instead to a Delmarva beach and pretended like I was shmeeshmee in Orange County again.

It occurred to me then that I needed a desk:  my life in the tall pines had become so much like my Laguna-Life, self-contained, witnessed, crafted and netted to my reality by dreams I’d hand-grown.  And I would breathe and my oxygen would be touched by Laguna Canyon dust and a tweak in my heart would pinch and I’d see my window plants there, the sunlight through my little hobbit house window dapple-dancing across my desk.


pink!  south laguna secret spots

All this even though I was all the way away on the briny green mugged out MidAtlantic, wondering how the dog days of 2019 summer had already hounded me down.

So I got a desk over those two weeks off.  And it sat, and I went back to work and ran budgets and numbers from it and felt my blood also run arid as dust.

Then it was really the dog days, and that’s when the Terrible rocked beach city, and I looked around and there was one area my life wasn’t plugged in at all which even though I thought it was creativity, it was actually L O V E.

So then that changed, too, and it’s the kind that bottle rocketed everything and made me question everything, all at once.

So imagine my surprise, when here you are, and I am able to hold me, hold him, and still return to you.

And here you are, here you’ve always been.  And my greatest fear that a he would take you is upended, bc somehow when here I am November again and wake grog-hearted tumble from bed… to you laying there on my desk both of us knowing it will always be You who first slakes even a thirst incredible as t/ his wakened in my heart.

Which reminds me, 9 years ago my return to beach city they #usta call me thirsty thirty and those good, long TTO days in the sun.  (Will never be beach city nine five.)

10 years ago right now I am moving to Easton~

My first place all my own no roommates N O N E.  Easton where I put my bed in the living room so the  bedroom could host my desk, my books, the sacred space where I Still Sit and yes

You, blank screen.  How long, how consistently me and you’ve always, always been hanging around.

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